| About a month before my recent trip, I went for a walk. It was a beautiful day, and I set out on one of my longer routes to enjoy the blue sky and sunshine. About a mile in, my right knee hurt and in less than another half mile, I had to turn around and go home, resting multiple times along the way. I had done this route (about 5-7 miles, depending on my mood) many times before with ease. But this time, the pain was too intense to continue. When I arrived home, I elevated my leg, iced my knee. I was going on a biking trip to Croatia in a few weeks and realized I would not being able to bike – or even do walking tours – on my trip if I didn’t do something. I needed help. I made an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. I had X-rays taken and she pointed out my feral GenX nature had caught up with me as my torn meniscus never healed properly. As a 13-year-old, I of course didn’t follow doctor’s orders for my soccer injury. I had developed arthritis and bursitis. She drained joint fluid and gave me a cortisol shot. Since then, I have been in physical therapy literally learning how to walk again. I was able to go on my trip where I hiked in a Croatian national park, did a city walking tour, swam in the Adriatic Sea and completed half of the scheduled bike rides. I would not have been able to do any of those things had I not asked for help. Recently, I have been reflecting on self-care and what it means to me. Is it getting the manicure, buying the new outfit, or just binging on my latest favorite show? After this trip, I realized asking for help is my self-care. This may seem obvious, but it isn’t easy. My mom would say, “You are the most independent child I know. None of my other lady friends’ daughters were so independent.” And it is true. I am independent and proud of what I have achieved as a single woman in a male dominated world. Yet, I realized through this incident, I can’t always tough it out or go it alone. That doesn’t mean I don’t do any of the work, but rather, I get an assist – not unlike my e-bike on 5% grade incline on hills in Croatia. Asking for help is self-care. It is hard to believe we are halfway through 2025. Maybe the things you hoped, dreamed or planned for the year have yet to come fruition. It is ok to take a pause and recalibrate as we are on the downhill path of the year. And, please remember it is ok if you can’t go it alone. Ask for help. It is self-care. |
Called to community
Habemus Papam – We have a new pope. Pope Leo XIV. The first American pope. The first Peruvian pope. The first pope with dual citizenship. The first Augustinian pope. Known for building bridges, for being traditional in practice and compassionate in deed, and for being of even temperament, the new pope opened the windows in a dark world and offered hope.
Scrolling through social media, I see people stating, “I’m a lapsed Catholic, and now, with Pope Leo, I’m thinking about going back.” or “I’m a [insert Christian faith tradition here] but with Pope Leo, I want to explore the Catholic Church. This igniting of spirit and search for faith is a sign of the hunger in the world for the teaching – and living – that Jesus Christ showed us. A deep longing for something more than the secular world is offering in the moment.
As a spiritual director, this is exciting. I want to welcome all these people into my sacred spiritual direction space and say, “Let’s explore together where God is calling you to be in community to live, serve, pray and worship. Whether you are Catholic or not, God is longing to be in relationship with you too. “
That stirring people are feeling shouldn’t be taken lightly. It isn’t a time to jump ship from a current faith community or leap into to the unknown or the comfortable. It is a time to be thoughtful and discerning. Why? That stirring is God calling.
God calls us into community and relationship with each other in service to one another. Your gifts balance mine and together we can create something beautiful. Pope Leo’s election has inspired people to come back or enter into a community, and that could be a faith community like the Lutheran, Catholic, Jewish or other faith tradition OR it could be a community of those active in social justice such as working as a volunteer in a community for the unsheltered or at a free store or a ministry such as knitting prayer shawls or leading a spiritual book study or using leadership skills such as serving on a board or stepping into a new role in your work. This doesn’t mean sometimes God just wants you to sit and be still on Sunday, and God also gave you gifts to use. “Don’t keep your light under a bushel.”
There are many ways to be in a community and live out your faith which can extend beyond going to “Sunday services.” Understanding what that means for you and your gifts in service to others takes trial and error. Sometimes the place is to serve is only for a season and sometimes it is longer, but it is never without reason. Oh, but when you hit that sweet spot and you know in your heart you’ve found your community, that place where you are living your fullest potential in the light of God, it is motivating and joyful.
Pope Leo created a stirring in many people and understanding that movement within you and what it means can take time. And I am so excited to see people experience the touch of the holy spirit. I pray people pause to deeply listen and follow where it leads.
More than a sacrifice
| As we enter the holiest time of the year for Christians, I wonder if we might pause and reflect back on the journey we’ve taken over the last forty (or so) days. We started back on Ash Wednesday with a not-so-gentle reminder from Jesus to enter into this time without bragging rights or fanfare. When we pray, fast, give alms, we should do so in private for “your Father who sees in secret will repay you.” (Matthew 6:6) |
| We then joined Jesus in the desert for forty days of fasting, prayer, and temptation. We were with Peter, John and James with Jesus on the mountaintop as he was transfigured. In the following weeks, maybe you searched for fruit in a dying fig tree, ate and drank at the party for the prodigal son or were in the crowd with Jesus as he forgave the woman in the courtyard about to be stoned Or, you may have heard the story of the women at the well who Jesus knew so much about, saw the man who was blind regain his sight, or were with Mary and Martha as their both emerged from the tomb. In her book, Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again, Christian writer Rachel Held Evans reminds us Jesus’ purpose in on earth was so much more than his sacrifice: Jesus didn’t just “come to die.” Jesus came to live—to teach, to heal, to tell stories, to turn over tables, to touch people who weren’t supposed to be touched and eat with people who weren’t supposed to be eaten with. To break bread, to pour wine, to wash feet, to face temptation, to tick off the authorities, to fulfill Scripture, to announce the start of a brand-new kingdom, to show us what that kingdom is like, to show us what God is like, to love his enemies to the point of death at their hand, and to beat death by rising from the grave. Rachel Held Evans, Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Books, 2018), 148,Kindle. Before we enter into the sacrifice, Jesus showed us how to live. And Jesus’ example is as relevant today as it was over 2000 years ago. As we enter into this holiest of weeks, I ask you to take a moment and reflect back on all the stories of life we heard and what it means for you right now, today and in the days after Easter morn. |
Stepping in
I’ve been on a purging, cleaning, and organizing kick. Recently, I took everything out of my kitchen cabinets, wiped down every shelf, reorganized and donated four boxes. In one of those boxes was a full set of champagne flutes and a full set of wine glasses. These glasses were nothing spectacular. Simple, plain clear, glasses. I didn’t buy them on a trip to Europe or Asia. I bought them at Target about five years after college when I moved into my first home.
I reflected on the young woman who purchased those glasses. She was on the cusp of finishing her MBA, had floated and changed jobs every 18-36 months and she wasn’t settled in her soul. Buying those glasses made her feel “grown up.” She was living on her own in a simple townhouse, had landed a full-time job, and finally had benefits. (She had gone without healthcare for 3 years. This was pre-ACA, and she was booted off her parents’ health insurance at 22. She couldn’t afford healthcare until she was a grad student and could leverage the university health care services.) Those glasses were a luxury item to her. She opened the box, washed each glass with care and poured a glass of wine to celebrate her independence. She felt she had arrived.
As I held those glasses, I realized it was time to let them go. I was no longer the naïve 20-something who walked the line between self-doubt and confidence. I didn’t need the basic glasses from Target. I have a beautiful set of Bohemian crystal champagne flutes from the Czech Republic and multiple sets of wine glasses for different types of wine. It was time to carefully box them up and pass them along to the next person. In a very Marie Kondo way, I thanked them for the joy they brought me and let them go.
In the last five years I have grown more personally and professionally than in any other period except those initial post-undergraduate days. My mind was stretched with major initiatives implemented at work and expanded responsibilities. I experienced several types of metaphorical deaths and new beginnings. And, my soul was nourished and healed through my formation as a spiritual director. I have been frustrated, grateful, angry, and filled with joy – all the feels. As I let go of those glasses and the 20-something young woman, I realized it was time for something else.
For close to 35 years, I have set an intention for each year. Unlike a resolution, my intention is a theme I carry with me through the year. It isn’t something I do, rather it is a way of being. I struggled to find my intention for 2025 – how did I want to show up this year. I cycled through many words and phrases. Then, as I was writing a year-end message to my staff, I wrote about each of us stepping in.
Stepping in isn’t the same as stepping up. To me, stepping up connotes ideas that one isn’t sufficient or good enough. Stepping in sees you as you are – wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139: 14). Wonderfully translated from Hebrew means “unique” or “set apart.” Fearfully translates from Hebrew as “with great reverence, heartfelt interest, and respect” – not scared or afraid. In other words, you were molded and crafted from great love with an attention to detail so you can be distinctive, one of kind. Stepping in honors the person you are becoming and called to be. And creating space for others to do the same.
2025 will be a year of stepping in for me. What that means is yet to unfold. But through prayer, faith, and hope, I await with an open heart and mind for the graces ahead. And my prayer for my staff – and for you – is in 2025 we call can step in.
Sabbatical
When we think of sabbaticals, we may only think in terms of academics or an extended period away from a job or responsibilities, often six months to a year. I want to offer a different perspective. When we think of sabbatical simply as a time of rest, or as Webster’s dictionary states, “a break or change from a normal routine,” it opens up a world of options and possibilities.
This summer, after I finished my formation as a spiritual director, I went on a retreat. It was an extended silent retreat where I detached from the world in a lovely setting of woods, critters, and prayer. It calmed my soul and gave me time to think about, “what’s next?” I had completed this three year formation and was wondering what to do with my newly acquired certificate.
I had hoped when I emerged from the weekend I would have clarity about my next step, the next right thing to do – do I advertise, post in church bulletins, network… not unlike I would do for other jobs? What I found was the next right step, but it wasn’t what I thought. It was to go on sabbatical.
I didn’t quit my day job, but I did relax or cease to participate in other activities I had in the past. I paused singing in my church choir or other ministries. I let go of some of my community involvement work and even suspended some travel plans. Instead, I have been taking the time this fall to, “break from my normal routine.”
I created space to listen to the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in whatever way the spirit reveals itself – through friends, family, colleagues, seasons changing, my kitties or even in a movie or TV show. I don’t have any answers or clear path forward, but I am opening myself up to the possibilities.
Sitting in this time of sabbatical isn’t easy. For someone who is always thinking of what I should be doing, this is work. It is hard not to fill the space with decluttering, exercise, or my day job. Yet, I realize it is something I need to do as I continue this path of discernment and living my calling.
How do you define what a sabbatical is for you.? What is that break from your normal routine? Is it 60 minutes or 60 days? Where can you create the space from your routine to allow for the movement of the spirit. The wisdom doesn’t always come as a burning bush, more often it is the whisper. Yet, you know the stirring in your heart is real. You can feel as the prophet Isaiah said, “And your ears shall hear a word behind you: This is the way; walk in it.”
Defining Blue Collar Leadership
I’ve coined this term, Blue Collar LeadershipTM . What is Blue Collar Leadership? The term blue collar can evoke emotions, some of which are negative. When I say it, I say it with a sense of pride. My dad was a blue collar worker and so was my mom. I started out as a blue collar worker, and I suspect most of us have.
Those manual and sometimes dirty jobs are some of the most important in our society. They are the people who are hauling away our trash and cleaning our streets which helps prevent disease. They are the people picking our fruits and vegetables so we have food on our tables and they are the people offering services which require skills I don’t have the gifts to learn. Blue collar workers are the backbone of our society. When I say blue collar workers, I sit up straighter and honor their work.
Leading people who provide the day in and day out services in our world requires a different mindset than someone like me who sits in a corporate tower staring at a computer screen. And, I suggest these are the same leadership qualities we all need regardless if you are the CEO on the top floor or the driver behind the truck bringing me my latest goods from my online cart.
Blue Collar Leadership is real
Every person I have met who is in a blue collar role has a “what you see is what you get” personality. There is corporate jargon or BS. They are straight up, honest and strip away an pretense. And, they expect you to do the same.
Sometimes people equate blue collar with uneducated – which is absolutely false! They are deeply educated – maybe not with the latest trending book on business “must read” list. They are educate in real life. They read people amazingly well and see through any sugar coating. And, they expect their leaders, supervisors, boss to do the same. Just call a spade a spade.
If you are leading people who are the front lines, doing the jobs for which you don’t have the training or gifts, just lay out the truth. Don’t use weasel words or corporate speak. Just lay it out there. They will see through your BS anyway.
Blue Collar Leadership is practical
When I moved into my first home, my Dad went through and did all the safety stuff. He changed my locks, the code to my garage door opener, and checked my windows, my fuse box, and other mechanical items. As he was about to leave, he turned around and handed me a roll of duct tape and said, “You’re going to need this.”
Everything he did was practical. When I was thinking about unpacking and organizing, he took what was essential for a new home. As a person who works in corporate America, I’ve seen the same thing. People located in what has been called the “ivory tower” try to make everything fancy or put lipstick on a pig. In reality, a roll of duct tape will do.
When leading people it is most often best to take the practical approach. Don’t overcomplicate a solution. Listen to the people – the most simple, practical approach is probably the right one.
Blue Collar Leadership is community
One of the most wonderful aspects of blue collar living is freedom. That isn’t to say we experience full financial release, rather, the job is defined – 8 hours, 5 days a week… usually. As a result, blue collar people have more time to be with friends and family. There is a focus on something more lasting and important: the relationships in their lives. If that value is not honored, you won’t be respected. End of story.
If your staff comes to you and says they need to go home because their child is sick, a neighbor is stranded or a parent needs a helping hand, it is a priority for them and they will want to attend to the need. Let them and you know what, their co-workers will likely pick up the slack because that is what you do – you help.
Yes, there are those who take advantage of a situation. And I argue they are the exception not the rule. Deal with the exception, but set the example and allow the people to be people and serve one another.
Blue Collar Leadership is an honor and demands humility. The deep knowing people need leaders who are real, practical and value community. And, whether you are blue, white, purple, green or golden collared, isn’t that what we all want?
Grief and Relief
I remember the day. A. Very. Tough. Day. I signed a purchase agreement to sell my parents’ house, my childhood home. There was an inspection which had some bumps. Mom and Dad chose to spend their money on travel and experiences rather than updates to the house. I don’t blame them and will always be grateful for the sense of adventure they instilled in me.
I wasn’t too worried about selling the house or the logistical details. I had a good realtor – a very good friend from high school. And, I had a good lawyer – a long-time friend of Dad’s. How Minnesotan of us? We only used people we’ve known since the glaciers melted.
I expected to be emotional when closing day came on the house, not when I signed the purchase agreement. But after leaving my realtor’s office, I fell apart. I grabbed my phone and called my BFF. Fortunately, she was stuck in DC traffic and able to talk. How she understood me through my sobs only comes from 30+ years of friendship.
There is the cliché of grief from selling the family home, but I didn’t feel overly attached to the house itself. I think my feelings were a mix of relief and grief. Relief that this major piece of the estate puzzle was nearly complete and grief that things didn’t work out the way I thought they might.
In 1960, an immigrant German couple looking to start fresh having survived WWII purchased their home. In 1961, another couple, Frank and Marlene (my parents) purchased their home, next door to this young German couple. About ten years their senior, the German immigrants soon became friends and family to the young couple next door.
The neighbors had three daughters. Frank and Marlene had four children. The husband passed away in the late 1980s and the wife passed away in the mid-1990s. Today, their youngest daughter lives in the home with her two daughters and son-in-law. Marlene soon became a mentor and friend to her mentor’s daughter, and when Marlene died, the daughter and her kids helped out Frank – plowing his driveway, mowing his lawn, and minor home repairs. In exchange, Frank let the son-in-law park his truck in the spare spot in the driveway.
After Frank died, the neighbor’s wanted – no insisted – on maintaining the yard and helping out, without compensation. “That is what neighbors do,” they told me. I tell you these details so you can get a flavor for how intertwined our two families have been. So when neighbor’s daughter and husband said they wanted to buy the house, you understand how difficult it was for me to not accept their offer.
It would have been an easy solution to a significant stress factor in my life recently – and poetic in a way. But, longer story short, their offer was significantly less than another offer on the table. As the personal representative for the estate, I had to put on my business hat and do what was best for the estate.
I know I absolutely made the right decision, but it didn’t make it easier. I mean, shit my sister is named after the neighbor’s oldest daughter. I took German because of their influence in my life and oldest granddaughter was one of my childhood friends. Not to mention the kindness and care they showed my Dad after Mom died.
Life calls on us to sometimes make a rational decision when we want nothing more than to be irrational. The challenge for each of us to find the balance. For there is a time to allow our feelings to enter in, and direct our decisions. And, there are times when we need to trust in our mind and allow the heart to heal.
So, yes, there was grief from my selling my childhood home. And relief to know that in less than a week on the market I had 5 offers and was able to sign one that was higher than the list price. I knew in time all would be well. But it was still a very tough day. A. Very. Tough. Day.